I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of my list of New Year’s resolutions. Sure, there’s a lot of things I could do better next year, but I’m starting to think I’m not the only person in my house who could use an internal year-end review.
Personally I think it should be mandatory that every kid makes a list of New Year’s resolutions. Since my kids probably aren’t going to make a list of their own, I’m going to make New Year’s resolutions for them. Here they are:
1. Keep track of own stuff
I’ve always relied on the G.P.S. Mom must have that keeps track of my shoes, homework, backpack, toys, favorite sweater, yellow bandana, and that lucky penny that I can never find. This year, I’m getting my own G.P.S. and remembering where I put my stuff.
2. Give less ‘tude, more gratitude
Mom’s the best. I should probably tell her instead of telling her I hate her because she won’t let me have ice cream for breakfast.
3. Eat green food
And I’m going to do it without acting like someone is trying to kill me. I’ll also stop acting like I’m going to puke every time I see something healthy.
4. Offer to help
There’s really no reason I have to wait to be asked to clear my own plate or take out the trash. I could just do it without being asked.
5. Leave when it’s time to go
Poor Mom has to spend all that time giving me “We’re going to leave” warnings like she’s a human countdown clock. Then I just freak out when it’s time to go or ask her for one more minute 57 times. I’m going to stop doing that and just leave when she tells me to.
6. Carry own stuff
I make Mom act like she’s a human Sherpa carrying a vending machine’s worth of snacks for me and enough water to get me through a marathon, even if we’re only going out for an hour. I’ve got two arms. I’ll use those arms to carry my own stuff. Great idea!
7. Stop shouting from across the house
I could walk over to the person I want to speak to instead of shouting their name from across the house. I never have, but this year I’m going to try.
8. Do homework independently
I bet Mom already knows how to read and can already add and subtract, so she probably shouldn’t have to harass me into doing my homework.
9. Sleep later on the weekend
Mom told me to say this. If it were up to me, I’d get up earlier on the weekends. More time to play with Mom!
10. Put clothes in the hamper
It must bum Mom out that I toss my clothes on, near, under, or around — but never actually in — the laundry hamper. Next year, I’m going to get my clothes IN the hamper.
So the kids have made their own New Year’s resolutions, now all they have to do is keep them! Good luck with that.