If Moms Live-Tweeted New Year’s Eve: A Timeline

Slap on your favorite robe (if you weren’t already wearing it) and fill up the coffee pot: It’s New Year’s Eve! Time to give in to the pressure of your kids wanting to stay up so late that they are horrible human beings tomorrow, and wish upon a star that YOU are able to do the same.

You may ask yourself: Is this how we celebrate things now that we’re parents? Yes, yes, it is. And if you’re a parent who takes to Twitter that day? Here’s what your feed will read like:

6:00 a.m.: Happy New Year’s Eve! Up at the usual (kid-insisted) time, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stay up til tomorrow! #GonnaMakeItTilMidnight

9:00 a.m.: Tonight is grown-ups only. Yay for date night! We’re making a nice dinner and have champagne to pop. What are your plans? #OtherThanCoffee

Noon:  I’ve been out-voted. Kids are staying up to see the ball drop with us. Making party hats for all! Adding boxed mac & cheese to the menu!

2:00 p.m.: Put on another movie to make kids stop saying, “I’m BORED, is it tomorrow yet?” while my husband naps. Maybe I’ll live as well as them next year?

4:00 p.m.: Another cup of coffee in the “BEST MOM EVER” mug I got for Christmas to make sure I’m #GonnaMakeItTilMidnight *yawns*

6:00 p.m.: Skipping baths to have a dance party and make cookies, instead. Last sprinkles of the year!

8:00 p.m.: Airing out the house after overdone cookies. Good thing we have ice cream! And new sweaters!

9:00 p.m.: Kid puked. I’m drinking champagne straight from the bottle while the tub fills. #GonnaMakeItTilMidnightEvenIfItKillsMe

10:00 p.m.: Everyone clean and in PJs and way more hyper than I expected. At least we’re all #GonnaMakeItTilMidnight

11:00 p.m.: Two kids asleep on me on the couch, sweating like pigs at a BBQ. Husband keeps elbowing me, telling me to stay up. I swear I’m fine!

Midnight …


12:03 a.m.: Okay, fine. I was. But it’s not like it’s midnight EVERYWHERE yet.

12:04 a.m.: Happy New Year, everyone!

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