I hear you are about to become a parent for the very first time. Congratulations! A baby! What a gift! Speaking of gifts, you’re going to have to set up a baby shower registry to ensure you get all the gear and gizmos that those of us in charge of itty bitty human beings need. How fun!
Lots of kid-focused shops have handy printable checklists for parents-to-be to run down while making a registry, but I’d like to help you with that. As a mom of two who has shopped for herself and others, I can tell you that those lists include lots of stuff that you’ll never use. So before you unnecessarily bulk up your wish list, allow me to share some items to skip. Perhaps by doing so, you can make room for a few treats for yourself? Trust me: you’ll deserve every one.
1. Changing table – This is what your bed, floor, couch, and lap are for. No need for additional furniture.
2. Diaper caddy – Diapers already come in a caddy. It’s called “the box.”
3. Diaper pail – You already have a trash can. You know this, right?
4. Wipes warmer – Stop it. No.
5. Bassinet – Otherwise known as the thing you’ll keep clean laundry, diapers, and burp cloths in because your baby will always be either in the bed with you or the crib.
6. Coordinating quilt, dust ruffle, and valance set – Quilts have gone the way of the crib bumper, dust ruffles create more work for you during the eleventy-seven times a week you change crib sheets, and valances are no match in priority to a room darkening shade.
7. Baby hangers – No one has the energy to hang clothes for the first two years, then the clothes become too big for the hangers. Total waste of plastic.
8. Cute clothes – Embellishments, tiny jackets, and fancy dresses will either annoy your baby into more screaming or immediately be pooped on.
9. Baby shoes – Newborns. Don’t. Walk.
10. Baby bibs – Unless your newborn plans to eat lobster, this is a no.
11. Thick, soft, fancy blankets with satin trim – Slippery, impossible to swaddle with, and often need to be washed separately. In other words, NOPE NOPE NOPE.
12. Multi-packs of those fancy bottles you read about – Babies only like bottles that you do not receive in bulk during your baby shower. They prefer one specific kind from a batch which a parent had to buy in some random 24-hour shop in the middle of the night. It is law.
13. Bottle warmer – This is what hot water does.
14. Bottle sterilizer – This is also what hot water does.
15. Hooded towel – Fold over the corner of a regular towel. Done!
16. Baby washcloths – Sounds like a good idea until they work themselves into your regular laundry and you get stuck trying to clean off with one of these flimsy 4” square jokes in the shower after a long, sweaty day. SKIP.
17. Bath kneeler – I’m gonna pretend this isn’t even a thing.
18. DIY baby food making gear – LOL no.
19. DIY baby food containers – You need sleep more than you need to do this.
20. DIY baby food cookbooks – Seriously. Let it go.
21. Baby book – Isn’t that what social media is for?