Things Every Mom Says on Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day is approximately seven hundred glorious hours long if you’re a mom. It starts with you waking before dawn in a startled panic that has you running to check and see whether or not you remembered to buy broth/butter/a bird, and ends with you collapsing in a flop sweat under a tower of dirty dishes, not to be seen again until a kindly aunt loads the dishwasher a few times, unburying you from the rubble. And the time in between? It’s family time! While you’re cooking enough to feed a small army! Because you’re a multitasker!

As exhausting as it might sound, the work to make the magic happen is worth every moment—and not just because of the leftovers. Thanksgiving means fun traditions and new memories you’ll all bring up again and again at future family gatherings, building on the gratitude that brought you all together in the first place. It also means you can count on the day being full of amazing food, snort-inducing laughter, and you saying the same things you always do, year after year.

  1. Let’s turn on the parade!
  2. You can watch the game in another room.
  3. Isn’t anyone going to help me in the kitchen?
  4. Why isn’t anyone watching the parade?
  5. This needs more butter.
  6. If you’re bored, go do the crafts I set up for you.
  7. EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN.
  8. Let’s take one quick picture while everyone is dressed so nicely.
  9. Where’s the baby? Where’s Grandpa? Where did your pants go?
  10. ALL I WANT IS FOR ONE FREAKIN’ PICTURE WITH EVERYONE IN ONE PLACE SMILING FOR ONE SECOND IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK?
  11. Of course I needed to make all of this food. The best part of the meal is the leftovers.
  12. No, you can’t have a snack. We’re putting dinner on the table.
  13. But you liked mashed potatoes last week!
  14. What do you mean you’re not hungry?
  15. We should go around the table and say what we’re thankful for.
  16. Your shirt is not a napkin.
  17. Get your foot off the table.
  18. Oh no—I forgot to serve the corn!
  19. I SAW THAT. [While your back is turned.]
  20. Oh no, I couldn’t eat another bite.
  21. Okay so maybe just ONE more serving…

Happy Thanksgiving!