The 10 Commandments of Family Vacations

It’s spring break! Woohoo!!!


We’re about to have some quality family togetherness in a hotel for a while, dear children. These are the rules to make sure everyone has fun.

Hey — are you even listening to me? This was a really expensive trip.

1. Thy Mom and Dad are, in fact, in charge.

2. Thou shall not beg for overpriced tchotchkies at every gift shop.

3. Thou shall not constantly complain that your best friends couldn’t come with you.

4. Thou shall not ruin the ONE NICE DINNER Mom and Dad try to have during this trip, dammit.

5. Thou shall not annoy your siblings in planes, trains, or automobiles.

6. Thou shall not repeatedly complain about the rain throughout the movie Mom and Dad rented because it is raining out. They are fully aware of the weather at all times, particularly rain, particularly when it forces them to stay in a tiny room full of small whiny people for hours on end.

7. Thou shall not say, “I’m bored.” Not even once.

8. Thou shall not draw on the hotel room walls.

9. Though shall not toss things off the balcony (including your pee).

10. Thou shall not make Mom and Dad regret ever booking this family vacation.

Graphic: Kim Bongiorno