I’ve noticed something about myself that has always been there and I just didn’t make the connection: I get grumpy and irritable if I go too long without having sex.
Sure, masturbation is always a solution and I was really regular about this form of self care when I was single. However, when I am in a relationship and we go too long without having sex; without having that connection, I get short and snippy when we aren’t getting it on between the sheets.
There have been times I’ve been too tired, not in the mood, or just plain couldn’t think about doing one more thing for one more person just like every other mom. Sometimes these stages last a few days, but they often last longer. The more I go without having sex, the longer don’t I feel sexual and the easier it is to get into the habit of rolling over and falling asleep without getting some.
Here’s is the thing – I don’t believe in having sex just because my partner wants it. But being aware and conscious of my sex life, what it does for me and how it makes me feel, has made me a happier person. Here’s what I mean:
There are nights when I’m not really feeling it and my partner will make a move. I give myself a few minutes to get there instead of denying him straight out of the gate like I used to (again, there is nothing wrong with this), and I realized I started feeling better. I never regretted having that connection and bond with him and we just get along better.
I’ll do this when I’m not especially in the mood to benefit myself and my relationship. It’s never like, “Oh he wants to have sex so I better do it for him,” while slogging through it then resenting him later. That’s never a good enough reason for me. However, I know my mind and body work better after I orgasm. It lifts my moods, feels like I am doing something beneficial for myself and my partnership – and that always feels great.
It’s a bit like working out when you don’t want to and then feeling fantastic when you are done. Only sex is way more fun a feels a whole lot better.
It keeps me warm. In other words, it’s really easy for me to get out of the habit of doing things when I stop doing them. Just like a lot of things I stop doing, the act of getting started again can be overwhelming and I’m left with feeling like I don’t know where to begin.
I was once in a sexless marriage. We hardly had sex and there was a point when we went over six months without having sex and it became such a huge, uncomfortable element in our relationship we completely stopped talking about it. I don’t ever want that to be the case for me again. There are dry spells, and then there are sexless relationships. Those two things are very different.
Sex is one of the few things I share with him that I don’t share with anyone else and it bonds us and feels special. I want to have that in my life and I know my partner wants that in his life too. This isn’t a case of, You better have sex with your man or someone else will. It’s more like, I want to give this part of myself to you because I love you, I love me, and I want our relationship to thrive. I don’t feel like I’m doing my part if I’m only doing it when I’m hot and horny which honestly, doesn’t happen very often.
As far as sex goes, it’s okay to experiment, spice things up, ask for what you want, go through slow phases, and I believe it’s more than okay to get it in when you don’t really want to for the sake of your relationship, and your moods.
I am a happier person when I am getting screwed on the regular and just because I am a woman, there’s no shame in admitting that.
Do you ever have sex with your partner when you aren’t in the mood?
More About Love & Sex:
- I’m Touched Out And Don’t Want Sex
- 15 Mind-Blowing Sex Toys to Spice Up Your Relationship
- 10 Signs That You’re Having Mom Sex