license to parent

All the Things I Secretly Do When My Kids Aren’t Looking

#6. Flip 'em off. My kids give me a lot of 'tude, so hell yeah I flip 'em the bird when their backs are turned.

#2. Nelfies -- All you see is their nostrils.

#2. We spend all day on our phones.

#10. Childbirth. Fu*king. Hurts. Pushing 9-pounders out of my vagina -- twice! -- was the worst.

#1. Bed-Sharing: I thought I knew tired. I didn't. Tired is being up all night with a newborn and then chasing a preschooler all day.

For starters, it's a colossal feat requiring limitless emotional and physical energy, as well as restraint.

Once I started having kids, I quit my job and my heels. But, I won't ever stop wearing makeup.

#8. People who are judgy about a child's public tantrum.