Why Can’t I Stop At Just One When I’m Pregnant?

PREGNANT PONDERINGSLet me set the scene for you. It’s the end of the day, and the kids have gone home. My classroom is silent and dark. I am too tired and drained to attempt the schlep home so I decide to just sit and enjoy the quiet a little while longer. But, I’m hungry, again.

I lean over to my side drawer stash, pull out some cookies and sink into sweet chocolate goodness. As I bask in the cookie glow I wonder, did they taste this good before I was pregnant? I munch a few more, pondering how I could not have known the delicious heaven these cookies are, and before I realize it I have eaten the whole bag. Holy (fill in expletive here). I ate the WHOLE bag of cookies, in one sitting no less. I can hear my partner teacher laugh at me from across the room. Oh well, it happens.

Except that yesterday, you will not believe what happened to me. Well okay, if you are a teacher or a parent you probably will because heck it’s probably happened to you. So, I had a visit from an incoming kindergartner. She was checking out the layout of the room, looking at the desks. In between perusing the bookshelf and peering at the pencil boxes she turned to me and asked about my ever expanding waistline as only a five year old can do.

Precocious 5 year old: Do you have a baby in your belly?

Me: Yes

Precocious 5 year old: Good because you know sometimes grown-ups have big bellies cause they eat too much food.

Me: Nope, mine is all baby.

But now it is the next day and I am looking at the bottom of an empty bag of cookies thinking, oh my god, how much of this belly is baby and how much of it is just cookies? All I can think about is what my next ultra sound will look like. Do you think when they look they can tell I ate a whole bag of cookies in one sitting? Or will there be a blue cookie monster mouthing the words “c is for cookie”?

Well at least I know that part of the belly is baby, (hopefully a large part), and besides I have to get home, it’s almost dinner time.