How to Make a Perfect Mom


An Abundance of Patience

A Mountain of Love

A Reliable Stain Remover

A Cup of Forgiveness

A Dash of First Aid Training

A Little Googling Skill

A Large, Waterproof Handbag

A Heaping of Warm Hugs

Plenty of Healing Kisses

A Smidgen of Tolerance for the Scent of Poop

A Fistful of Listening Skills

A Dusting of Humility

An Enormous Sense of Humor

A Pinch of Debate Skills

Lots of Paper Towels

A Shake of Social Media Savvy

Sprinkle of Creativity

An Endless Ability to Communicate in Public Using Only Your Eyes That You’re Counting to Three



  1. Keep all ingredients handy to add and blend together as needed.
  2. Continue adding, sifting, mixing, kneading, and seasoning to your tastes and requirements for the rest of your life. There is no way to ruin the final result, as long as you keep trying new combinations and never, ever run out of that sense of humor (or paper towels).

Serves: As many as mom needs to.

Preparation time: A lifetime.

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