Surprising Reasons You Should Have Sex (Even When You Don’t Want To)

The house is quiet. The kids are finally in bed and asleep. After a busy day, you’re exhausted and collapse in bed. Except your husband is sending out the bat signal. Yep, he wants to some nookie. Do you:

a. Roll over and pretend to fall asleep.

b. Tell him you’re have a headache/too tired/not in the mood.

c. Give him a sympathy roll in the hay.

d. Rip off your pajamas and jump him.


Raise your hand if you didn’t choose D as your answer. I confess that my response is usually B. Because it’s true, I am exhausted. Lately, I’ve been opting for C, what my husband and I joke as “tired sex.” Usually it turns into a much more active endeavor than I planned — but I’m not going to complain about a few extra orgasms.

You might be surprised what could happen if you have sex even if you’re not in the mood. 

Besides being fun, there are many health benefits to sex. Sex boosts the immune system, lowers blood pressure, and lowers the risk of heart attacks. Most importantly, having sex makes us crave more of it.

“Having sex will make sex better and will improve your libido,” adds Lauren Streicher, MD, an assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.

So what can we tired moms do to get in the mood for sex?

Have “tired sex.” Not every session has to be earth shattering, but you’ll be surprised how easily your body responds when you go through the motions. Tired sex can quickly turn into major hot sex.

Skip the foreplay. Sometimes we’re just too tired for the 15 or so minutes it takes to get the blood pumping in all the right places. Indulge in some mental foreplay (think erotica), add some lube and have a quickie. Or add a vibrator to speed things along.

Have a nooner or morning romp. Night time is the worst times to have sex. Not only are we physically exhausted, but parenting can leave mothers mentally spent. How about a slow in-bed “wake-up call” or hop in the shower together? It will wake you up much faster than caffeine.

Offer a sex rain check. Don’t ever feel obligated to have sex. Instead of saying, “Not tonight” try “How about Friday night on the couch with a sexy movie?”

Just remember  that being in the mood doesn’t necessarily equal desire, but a man can interpret low desire or sexual interest as a sign that his partner doesn’t love him, according to couples therapist Linda Carroll, author of Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love. Plan lovemaking for a time that works for both of you.

Don’t forget another bonus benefit of sex: It counts as exercise. Now that’s a workout I won’t mind doing!