You Know You’re Pregnant When…

When I got pregnant with my youngest child, Poppy Belle, now 15-months-old, I went through a phase where I amused myself by thinking You know you’re pregnant when… every time a new pregnancy symptom hit. Looking back, I think I was trying to take a humorous approach to something that scared the sh*t out of me, because I was hospitalized twice, due to severe morning sickness, during my first pregnancy. I kept waiting for it to get that bad again — but fortunately it never did. Compared to my first pregnancy, my pregnancy with Poppy was smooth sailing. So, here are the ways I most definitely know I’m pregnant. What are yours?

1. I take bathroom-mirror selfies so I can show off pics of my baby bump.

2. I’ll do anything to get my hands on guacamole — even if it’s 2 a.m.

3. I consider grubhub.com a close friend.

4. I can’t get enough carrot-orange-ginger juice.

5. I feel entitled to a dish of fro-yo every night, with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. (So does my husband.)

7. I color my hair with vegetable dye…to avoid the chemicals and to avoid aging 10 years in nine months.

8. I talk to my belly all day long.

9. I pee every time I cough or sneeze. (This also applies to You Know You’ve Had a Baby When…)

10. I expect people to offer me their seats on the subway — and silently seethe when they don’t.

11. I’m so exhausted I’ve started to wonder if I have mono. 

12. I’ve turned my pregnancy-induced insomnia into mommy time; I can read my book!

13. I justify expensive prenatal exercise classes as part of my post-natal bounceback plan.

14. I avoid the treadmill — a bouncing belly while I’m running just isn’t my thing.

15. I have boobs that are bigger than bug bites (finally).

16. I hear “Your skin is glowing!” from friends…when it’s actually just oily and broken out.

17. I trip after just looking at a groove in the sidewalk. 

18. I can’t function without reminder notes and calendar pings; hello, pregnancy brain!

What are your telltale pregnancy signs?