The last day of school is always a tumultuous one in the hearts of moms. On one hand, summer break brings blissful freedom from helping with homework we do not understand, as well as simpler schedules and the lack of need for matching shoes. On the other, our kids are all up in our grill 24×7, deal with heat waves via whining like crabby pterodactyls, and insist they are bored 12 seconds after returning home from every super fun adventure we bring them on. Thus, the gamut of internal dialogue runs from misty-eyed relief to flop-sweat-soaked panic, going a little something like this:
1. HOLD ME.
2. Was I supposed to put a side-by-side picture of their first and last days of schools on Facebook? Is that a law now?
3. Will the school library actually make me pay for all the missing books? I wonder if they’ll use those funds to build a new wing and name it after us? That’d be kind of nice.
4. And now I shall commence getting all the things done I need to get done alone for the entire summer in the next seven hours.
5. Oh no! It’s a half day! How did I not know today is a half day?
6. DOING ALL THE THINGS EVEN FASTER IN THE NEXT 3.5 HOURS OMG WHERE IS THE FLASH WHEN YOU NEED HIM?
7. Thank goodness for bulk wine discounts by mail.
8. My babies are growing up so fast…
9. That’s it: Those kids are packing their own damn lunches next year.
10. Three months of freedom from buying overpriced fugly wrapping paper, lame t-shirts, plastic-tasting candy, and cheapass monogrammed fundraiser tote bags. I CAN ALREADY FEEL THE MONEY IN MY POCKETS.
11. Effective immediately, the kids’ pool time/sprinkler time totally counts as bathing.
12. So glad I got those workbooks for the kids to keep their brains from becoming mush this summer.
13. Who am I kidding? Those workbooks will be kindling for a S’mores cookout by the first week of July.
14. Man, I loved their teachers.
15. Great Einstein’s eyebrows! How much crap can one kid possibly cram into a backpack?
16. Did they do anything other than really bad art and indecipherable math worksheets this year?
17. We’ll be fine just hanging out for a couple of weeks before camp starts. This will be nice.
18. Maybe I’ll get to sleep in past 6 a.m. tomorrow…
19. Only 75 days until the first day of school.
20. I wonder if there are any last-minute camp sign-ups that can take the kids tomorrow?
21. Let the Summer Fight Club…begin.
More Mom Truths:
- All the Things I Secretly Do When My Kids Aren’t Looking
- What the Words You Use All the Time Really Mean
- I Swore I’d Never Put My Kid in Daycare, Then I Became a Mom