I’m Still Pissed at the People Who Never Gave Us a Wedding Gift

When I’m trying to fall asleep at night, it’s often hard to quiet my mind. I’m busy thinking about my to-do list, tomorrow’s plans, and whether I remembered to lock the front door. I’m also thinking about those mother-effers who couldn’t manage to get us a wedding gift.

Before you judge me — and you will — know that I am not one of those brides who believes wedding gifts are mandatory, or that guests are somehow supposed to compensate us for the cost of their plates. That would be a rude assumption, and I do not think that, I swear. What I do believe is that if you are a close friend or family member who is not struggling financially and you received a present from me at YOUR wedding, well then, it would be courteous to reciprocate. And it bugs me that you didn’t.


I know holding a grudge about something so minor is a stupid waste of brain space. The important thing should be that my husband and I love each other, and we got married, and the wedding was beautiful. But I still can’t let go.

Why not send a gift? It needn’t be expensive. It doesn’t have to be selected from our registry. Hell, I’d be happy with a nice message in a card — at least then I could cross you off my list. Because what if you DID send us a gift and it got lost in transit? You might be stewing this whole time thinking I’m an ungrateful jerk for not writing you a thank you note. And then one day I’ll have to read your anonymous blog post rant about flakes who don’t send thank you notes — perhaps right here, on this very same site.

Not everyone who skipped the gift is on my sh*t list. We had friends who traveled to our wedding, no doubt spending more than they wanted to on hotels and airfare. Their presence was our present. Then there were the courtesy invites – -people not in our inner circle who, for whatever reason, needed to be on the list. I don’t expect a gift from someone I haven’t talked to since the last Olympics.

So who are the big offenders, the ones whose carelessness keeps me up at night? I’ll give you my top three:

1. The fancy friend

When Tiffany (who lives in a mansion and drips in diamonds) was getting married, I had to come up with presents for her bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding, plus baby gifts for the births of her three children. Where the hell does she get off not sending me a wedding present? Did I mention she’s filthy rich?

2. The dodgy relative

My closest cousin completely blew off our wedding, neither attending nor sending a gift. This bothered my mother even more than it bothered me, so she followed up to get the story. The cousin claimed to have sent a check, saying it must have been lost in the mail. That was two years ago.

3. The all-talk couple

Our friends had conflicting travel plans and couldn’t attend our wedding, which they felt terrible about. They offered to take us out to a special dinner to celebrate, but never followed up. If you don’t have time to see us, just send a damn gift!

On the bright side, now that I’ve been in the bride’s shoes, I will be an even more thoughtful wedding gift giver, never again waiting 6 months or a year past the event to finally send in my gift. Just get it done, people.

Do you think I’m petty and crazy or can you relate? 

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Photo: Getty