There is a reason so many genuine friendships strike up at the dog park between humans: It’s where Your People go to congregate. It doesn’t matter where you come from, what you do for work, or how you spend your days. If you have a dog and that other person standing over there has a dog? You two have so much to talk about! Here are 21 things that only dog owners know, and can laugh about together while endlessly throwing slobber-covered tennis balls over the heads of their best friends:
1. Food left on the floor that needs to be swept up? What’s that?
2. That your best friend can literally eat a fence.
3. Doesn’t matter whether your dog is 6lbs or 100lbs: He is a lap dog.
4. Sloppy kisses are the best kind of kisses.
5. Dog collars come in two sizes: too loose or too tight.
6. You can say anything you want to a dog in baby talk and she’ll think it’s the best compliment ever.
7. Sharing a bed with someone who runs in his sleep.
8. What it’s like to have enough fur under your couch to build a life-sized replica of your pet.
9. How well protected you are from potential burglars, mail carriers, delivery people, passing butterflies, the bird in that tree across the street, and plastic bags blowing in the wind.
10. How to have a phone conversation between barks.
11. Puppies are cute. Puppy teeth are made of teeny tiny death razors.
12. No matter how many toys you buy them they will only play with (i.e. maul) your shoes.
13. Dogs will bark at your doorbell, doorbells on TV, and any other doorbell-like sound that might happen ever.
14. The best place for them to cool off is on your kitchen floor wherever you’re trying to stand right now.
15. Dogs think their food is their food. They also think your food is their food.
16. You’re never quite sure whether you are walking your dog or your dog is walking you.
17. Your dog is your best friend. He is also the best friend of anyone who feeds him, pets him, throws him a stick, or asks, “Who’s a good boy?”
18. Ears are just as fun to sniff as butts.
19. Kisses from your dog? Acceptable. Kisses from other dogs? GROSS.
20. Wagging tails can be as destructive as 2-year-olds.
21. You will never be as excited about anything as much as a dog is excited about getting a treat.
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