As a single woman, I pretty much do whatever I want. Take my cross-country move as an example. One summer I decided to pack my bags and move from New York City to Los Angeles. Six months later, I did. That's because I didn't have to consult with anyone before making my decision. I didn't have a man in New York City to beg me to stay. In fact, my boyfriend at the time lived in Las Vegas. I didn't have kids to think about. Questions like, What about school? How will they adjust to the change? didn't factor into my decision making. And then, a year after my move to LA, I came back to NYC. Again, without consulting anyone. That is the beauty of being single. I can pick up and start again just like that. I can do whatever I desire and pursue any passion because I only have myself to think about.
Still, I am afraid that my love of independence and a gypsy lifestyle will become a hindrance when I'm married with children. Is it possible to have both? I don't think so. Most of the women that I know that are just as free-spirited as I am but have a family, well, they just don't do much on their own. My friend Lourdes would love to visit a new country every year, and maybe even live in the South. But her husband isn't that interested in exploring the world. He also has a child from another relationship that lives and studies in NYC. Lourdes has resigned herself to a life in NYC because it's what's best for her family, not necessarily what's best for her. Yet she loves her family and wouldn't trade them for anything — not even for a free flight to Spain.
It seems that to be a mother and a wife is to be selfless. That's what I realize when my friend Lourdes fantasizes about a dream trip to Europe that she cannot take. Or when my cousin Yahaira can't go out for a drink because her youngest child is sick with asthma again. Or when my sister Adayna listens to her husband when he is having a rough day, even if she's had a rough day. That selflessness is an admirable quality. One that I feel I bestow. So, perhaps the freedoms I will give up when married with children won't feel like a sacrifice. Maybe I will leave my gypsy ways behind willingly and happily.
Has it been difficult for you to give up some of the independence that comes with being a wife and a mom? How did you adjust?