“Babymoons Suck! Don’t Bother Taking One.” Here’s Why.

babymoons_sizedIf you’re pregnant, you may be tempted to go on a babymoon—a last-ditch chance to have some fun with your spouse before you give birth and everything changes. You probably have fond memories of your honeymoon. You remember lying on the beach in Cabo or sipping Prosecco in an Italian piazza or zip-lining through treetops in the Amazon. How different could a babymoon be? The words are practically the same!

Here’s the chief difference: honeymoons are awesome and babymoons suck. Don’t go.

That sounds really cranky of me to say, but hear me out. I’ve been on two of them and—no offense to my beloved husband who is an exceptional travel buddy—they were both pretty awful.

The main reason? By definition, I was pregnant on both trips. That means no drinking, no late nights, no long car trips (back aches, too many bathroom breaks), no flights (can’t be that far away from my OB and the hospital), no long walks…you get the idea. Plus, there’s this big thing hanging over the whole trip. On our honeymoon, we enjoyed the afterglow of the wedding and looked ahead to our marriage with starry eyes. On our babymoons, we had soul-searching conversations about parenthood and tried to reassure each other that the abyss we were about to fall into wouldn’t be all scary.

We took our first babymoon two weeks before my due date, which was a mistake. We vacationed at a resort in Virginia horse country over Independence Day weekend. (It sounds nice, right? All babymoons do in theory—do not be fooled!) Well, I was about as uncomfortable as you’d expect a woman to be at 38-weeks pregnant plus it was July in Washington, D.C., so add in scorching heat and humidity. It’s like living in a mouth. I remember trying to push the phrase “beached whale” out of my mind as I lounged by the pool during the day and then going to sleep immediately after the fireworks at about 9 p.m. I remember being insanely jealous of everyone’s piña coladas.

The second time around, we went at 34 weeks and I knew to keep my expectations low. We swam in the hotel pool, enjoyed brunch sans toddler interruptions and got to see a movie. Still, we had those same terrifying conversations about parenthood and I was getting pretty uncomfortable in my pregnant body.

So skip the babymoon altogether. Or go, prove me wrong, have an incredible time, and then write me a big “I told you so!” in the comments section. I have a feeling I’ll be waiting for that comment for a loooooong time though.