I swear we’ve been robbed. I’m not kidding. My jewelry has clearly been ransacked. My make-up is askew with whole groupings like blush and eye shadow missing. And my shoes, oh my shoes! I’m missing a few pairs. I know this because I’m a shoe person. And shoe people keep mental inventories of their shoes at all times. So when I say I’m missing some shoes, I know I’m missing some shoes.
Upon further examination, I realize we have not in fact been robbed. At least not in the literal, a bad guy comes in your house and takes your stuff, sort of way. I realize this because no one else in the family is missing anything. So either we’ve been robbed by a thief with a taste for heals, or someone in my family is taking my stuff.
I need to look no further than down the hallway to my daughter’s room on the right to find my missing items. In her nightstand drawer are a few lip liners and coordinating lipsticks. Shoved in the bottom of her toy stroller are a few bracelets of mine, thankfully none of them real. And lined up in her closet with her shoes are my missing shoes, as if they’re waiting to be worn.
In case you’re wondering why it’s so odd that my daughter has borrowed my stuff, there’s one thing I forgot to mention. My daughter is 3. She can’t even tie her shoes. She certainly can’t walk in heals.
But if you’re the mom of a daughter you know that there is nothing you can do to stop the girly machine that is a 3-year-old with an eye for sparkle. When it comes to little girls and their mom’s stuff, everything is fair game. A 3-year-old girl is going to take, hoard, and hide these things from you. Mine did.
Any Pink Make-Up: Say goodbye to your rosy-toned make-up because short stack is going to slip it into her toy chest and you’ll never see it again. Or if you’re like me, you’ll find it but your blush will have been crushed into a million pieces and your lip liner will have been used for coloring.
Diamond Earrings: Make sure your jewelry insurance is paid up because your little girl going to steal your jewelry. Toddlers have an eye for the real stuff and they want to take it.
4-Inch Heals: It’s cute the first time your little girl plays dress up and slips on your heals even though she can’t walk. But it’s less cute when she takes your favorite pair and never returns them. By the way, there’s nothing worse than having to explain to your pediatrician that your daughter sprained her ankle falling out of your Jimmy Choo’s. Trust me.
The Fancy Handbag: I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a lot of fancy handbags. The ones I do have I treasure and take care of. So naturally these are the ones my little girl likes to borrow and never return. Worse yet, she likes to fill her bag with my cell phone and keys. Where’s she going and who is she going to call?
Hair Dryer: If she takes my curling iron, she’ll be ready to open her own salon.
All Your Costume Jewelry: Actually, I didn’t find my daughter wearing my jewelry. She had put it on one of her dolls. So not only is my kid stealing my stuff, she’s loaning it to friends. Is nothing sacred?
Nail Polish: I can’t remember the last time I polished my own nails, but I have a few bottles of polish lying around. Actually, I had a few. Now my daughter has them. Apparently her Barbie dolls asked her to do their nails. Clearly, they don’t know about gel manicures in doll land.
My daughter has also taken my cell phone, two jackets, and every hair product I’ve ever had in the house. I can’t get too upset. At least the girl’s got good taste. All I can do is ride the wave and remember it when she’s 13 and decides to go Goth.