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7 Things That Always Happen When My Husband Goes to Costco

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The first time I went to Costco with my husband was the first time he’d ever been inside a Costco. Pretty much as soon as we walked inside the store he started grabbing items not on our list.

“Do we need a new TV?” he said while looking at the flat screens like they were edible. “These prices are great!”

Sure the prices were great, but we have enough TVs in our house and didn’t need more. I encouraged him to keep on walking. After all, we’d come to Costco for storage supplies for our new home. A TV was not on the list.

“How are the tires on your car?” he asked, noting that Costco sells gas and tires.

Before I had the chance to remind him that my tires were only a month old, he moved on. “We should really get a tent,” he exclaimed, knowing full well there’s a better chance of me going to the moon than going camping.

From then on, I vowed never to let my husband step foot inside a Costco without supervision. That’s because Costco is like Disneyland for adults. Everything you could ever possibly need is there, all in one place. The quantities are huge, the prices are small, and it’s easy to get caught up in the euphoria of wanting to take it all home. And my husband always does.

But recently, I decided to test the waters again and see if he could go to Costco without coming home with a motorcycle and 14,000 chocolate chip cookies. We needed party supplies for an upcoming event, and I had no time to go. I sent him with a very specific shopping list and a cautionary warning, “Don’t come home with a swing set or a pick up truck. Stick to the plan. You can do it.”

When he got home, I was pleased to see my husband hadn’t purchased a truck, boat, or a new set of power tools. He also didn’t come home with anything I’d asked him to get. When I sent him back to Costco to return what we didn’t need and get what we actually did need, we had a similar result. I’ve come to accept that Costco is just too exciting for my husband. He can’t be trusted in a store filed with iPhones, goldfish crackers, and Coleman stoves. Here’s why…

1. He’s gone for hours. When you lose your iPhone, you can use the Find My Phone app to locate it. I need an app to locate my husband when he’s at Costco. He’ll try to convince me was just price checking every item, but I know he probably got distracted in the TV aisle and took a few spins around the ballpark-sized store to make sure he didn’t miss any samples.

2. He buys things that don’t actually fit in our house. I love when he thinks ahead and buys extra toilet paper or that extra large box of snack crackers the kids love, but we have no place to put it! Some of the stuff at Costco is so huge it wouldn’t even fit in the Taj Majal.

3. He buys electronics that we definitely don’t need. My husband can walk away from the flat screen TV, but put him in an aisle filled with phones, drills, tools, walkie-talkies, or speakers and he’ll feel the need to buy at least one of them. And no, we don’t need any of these things.

4. He buys food absolutely no one in our house likes. When it comes to experimenting with new foods, I think a place that only sells large quantities isn’t the place to start. But, my husband clearly thinks otherwise. So if you’re in the market for a lot of tilapia tacos or frozen tofu, come on over. My freezer is filled with both!

5. He buys fruits and veggies in bulk. I love that Costco has such a wide array of organic fruits and vegetables, by the hubs gets carried away. We have two small children who can’t possibly eat 20 bananas or a crate of strawberries before it all goes bad, which it always does.

6. He wants to upgrade his phone. It’s as though that aisle with the phones hypnotizes him. He always wants to buy one, even though his works perfectly fine.

7. He gets a hot dog while he’s there. Whatever is in those Costco dogs must be good because my husband can’t even drive by a Costco without getting one, sometimes two.

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