I Can’t Just Roll Out Of Bed and Walk Out the Door Like My Husband Can

Sure, the stereotypical image of a frazzled mom is with hair in a messy bun and yoga pants on, smeared eye makeup completing the look.

But hell, you have to have eye makeup on for it to smear. That’s something.

Many of us moms put on a little makeup most days, and at least brush our hair (coffee, first). Getting dressed has layers. There are bras and underwear. Pants and shirts. Scarves and belts. And don’t forget about jewelry and shoes. Maybe a hair clip.

Meanwhile, what do dads do? Jack crap, that’s what. Brush their teeth and throw on some deodorant, on a good day. Then they pull some shorts out of the hamper along with a t-shirt. Done. Oh, it’s a work day? Make that some jeans and a button-down. It’s just not fair. Enough is enough. It’s time we moms stop primping while Dad is skimping.

Yes, yes. Of course there are dads who wear suits to work everyday. There are definitely men who get their brows waxed and have regular pedicures, too.

We’re not talking about them. We’re talking about the dads in my life and probably yours.

My own dad is a total busy-body, even now in his mid-60s. He still works, and exercises like a fiend. He’s the first to volunteer to run any errand needed. My dad can keep up with the grand kids, and handle a wrestling match against a handful of toddlers like a champ. He tackles it all, and often in a ratty, old sweatshirt. For the longest time, he wore this stained, red sweatshirt with Gaffer’s Tape holding it together. Let me be clear: my dad has money for clothes. Heck, he has clothes that are in good condition. He chooses not to wear them because he doesn’t want to “ruin” them. My dad “dad hards” like that.

Then there’s my husband. The sexiest man on the planet, no competition. He still wears button-down shirts from when I met him 15 years ago, and baggie jeans with decorative back pockets on occasions.  I have suggested he throw out at the pants. I’ve bought him nice, new clothes. He still keeps the old, along with wearing the nicer clothes for work and the rare date night.

Most nights, my husband simply strips off his clothes next to the bed, and hops under the covers with his undershirt and underwear. No bedtime routine necessary. Dental hygiene by damned. Meanwhile, I often fall asleep downstairs on the couch with my work clothes still on and my makeup still done because I so dread the bedtime routine.

I hear you. There are low-maintenance many moms who wear no makeup. But I’m not one of them. I have fun with makeup, and enjoy the way I look with at least a basic application. And I’m not alone. Most of the moms I know have an evening and morning routine, carried out with a toddler wrapped around one leg and a preschooler hollering a question from the other room. Whether we are a working mom, a stay-at-home mom or a work-at-home mom, we have a routine of some kind. And of course, we often have the added chore of getting our kids ready for bed at night and ready for school in the morning.

Enough! It’s time we forgo supportive undergarments and dental hygiene. Stubble on men can be sexy, and beards are in. Why can’t stubble on our legs be hot? Yeah, that’s not going to work is it? We just care too damn much.

But really, let’s care a little less. If we choose to sport a fresh face with no makeup, let’s rock that look with pride. If we fall into bed some nights in our underwear and with our face unwashed, so what?  Let’s take off the Spanx and give ourselves permission to exhale. And if we love getting snazzy for a night on the town, let’s relish that time for ourselves, too.

Dads generally don’t seem to worry as much as we do about what others think. Men are themselves without apology. Baggy utility shorts, stained shirts, belly ponch and all. We could learn a thing or two from that confidence. Go forth and be awesome, moms.

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