If you have school-aged children, chances are you’re familiar with the dreaded school car line. It’s the line you begrudgingly get into each day to drop-off and pick-up little Billy or Susie. It’s usually longer than any line you encounter at Disney World, typically fellow parents are trying to cut in front of you as though you won’t see them again the very next day, and it will cause you to stress eat peanut butter cups while you wait…or maybe that’s just me?
Even if you’re not usually prone to dropping the f bomb, the school car line will bring out your inner bad mom as you gesture wildly at the people who won’t pull up in line because they’re too busy updating their Facebook status or texting their BFF about what Becky was wearing to the PTA meeting. It’s enough to make you lose your freaking mind.
Thankfully there are people who turn their car line induced rage into humor so the rest of us can laugh while we wait. Not all heroes wear capes.
I think picking up snacks is more motivating than picking up kids. Maybe schools should consider handing out giant soft pretzels in car line? I bet people would remember to pull forward for a soft pretzel.
Rats can solve complex mazes to get a snack but adult humans can’t figure out the damn school pickup line to get their kids.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 31, 2018
It’s called multitasking and we do it extremely well. Now pass me a donut, kid, this line isn’t going anywhere.
We used to have a "no snack" rule for our car, but now that school's started we eat breakfast, lunch & dinner in the drop-off/pick-up line.
— Ash (an gobble gobble motherf*cker female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) August 11, 2016
I’d prefer to call it the “tuck and roll” line so I can stop feeling so bad about pushing my offspring out of a moving vehicle as I speed towards freedom.
It’s called the drop off line not the park, get out, and double check your kid’s backpack line.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 24, 2018
After a few days in the car line you will be filled with rage and hate. No amount of yoga or meditation will be able to help you. This is your life now.
There's no room in my heart for hate. The Elementary School parking lot and everyone in it took that space long ago.
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) January 20, 2017
Seriously, be cool. Cutting in any line makes you the worst and everyone will judge you and secretly wish a case of head lice on your entire family.
I will connect my car to the bumper of the car in front of me before I let you cut in the school drop off line.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 2, 2018
You know the saying, “If you’re early, you’re on time. And if you’re on time, you’re late.” Congrats on winning the title of who loves their kid the most. Here’s a trophy
School gets out at 2:15 so if you don't get in the pickup line by 1:00 you don't love your kid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2016
Curse you, tiny mom bladder.
I'm just a mom,
waiting in the carline,
hoping I don't pee my pants.
— Foxy Wine Pocket (@FoxyWinePocket) January 20, 2016
You can only bite your tongue for so long. Eventually the pent up rage monster will have to come out.
I cannot be held responsible for the things I say in the carpool drop off.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 16, 2015
Let’s be honest, the only perk to the school car line is being able to wear pajamas to both drop off and pick up without being judged.
My personal style can best be described as “Please don’t make me have to get out of the car at drop-off this morning.”
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) May 18, 2017
Save your hugs and kisses for home, and slow your car down just enough so no gets hurt as they’re rolling away from the moving vehicle.
This just made my morning. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/ZSYiANGkj9
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 4, 2018
It’s like a scene out of an apocalyptic war movie only with more yoga pants and less destruction.
I've seen some crazy things in my life, but I've never seen anyone more cutthroat than a parent in the child pickup line at school.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 13, 2017
Fri-Yay! Oh, wait. Nope, I’ll be in car line till at least Saturday at noon.
Having kids is fun because instead of planning where you’re going to go out partying on Friday night, you’re stuck in the pickup line at school, eating Twizzlers and shouting, That’s not how you merge, Karen.”
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) January 12, 2018