1. You caught the flying wooden alphabet block he threw before it hit his sister’s head.
2. You tandem breastfed twins.
3. You always buy their favorite brand of mac and cheese, in their favorite noodle shape.
4. You don’t skip pages while reading bedtime stories.
5. You survived your toddler telling your father-in-law all about the curly hair you have in your underwear.
6. Your babies had colic. All of them.
7. Your kids opened the bathroom stall door in Target while you were taking care of your period situation.
8. Your favorite shirt has been used as a tissue.
9. You have a kid going through puberty at the same time you have a kid going through potty training.
10. You have been used as a step stool.
11. You have stopped mid-diaper-change to barf due to morning sickness, then got right back to changing that diaper.
12. Your kid caught you mid-AHEM-relations long before you two realized she was in there.
13. You’ve been slapped in the nipple in public during a tantrum.
14. You took them to the kid-friendly restaurant they asked to go to instead of the place that actually serves palatable food that you wanted to go to.
15. Your car smells of child.
16. You’ve had hemorrhoids since you first saw two blue lines three kids ago.
17. Your peeing mostly happens in public. While standing up. Fully dressed. Drip-by-slowly-leaked-drip.
Now, before you head in there, don’t forget to take along some reading material and streeeetch that toileting session out as long as humanly possible! Might I suggest the third book in the New York Times Best Selling series, I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone? it features 39 moms, including me, sharing the funny, frantic, and feel-y experiences of having kids.
Enjoy your solo tinkles, and happy reading!