My poor mother. She was probably cringing when I cut my hair into an uneven bob in ninth grade with a little left in the back so I could grow a “tail” like all the 1980s rock stars were doing. She also had to grin and bear it during my “moon boot” phase when every kid wore snow boots to school despite it being 90 degrees outside. Then there were the more potentially dangerous teenage experiments of mine like drinking and boys.
When most of us look back on our teenage years we can’t imagine our own kids doing the same thing at the same age, but they will. Just like our moms did, we’ll grit our teeth and hope the latest trends pass without our kids doing anything serious or permanent.
In fact, there are a ton of current trends I’d prefer my kids avoid. Some are downright silly, while others are potentially dangerous. Take a look. Have I missed any? Eek.
Purple Hair: It’s all the rage, if you believe this report in The Huffington Post. I think it makes people look like they have gangrene. So even though Nicole Richie and Katy Perry have died their locks various shades of lilac, I’m hoping my daughter will stay true to her roots.
Twerking: Twerking, the sexually provocative dance craze made famous by Miley Cyrus at the 2103 MTV VMA’s, was, according to HLNTV.com, actually started with the Miami based band 2 Live Crew in the ’80s. It may be cool for rock stars to grind on stage, but it’s not cool for my kids to do it in real life.
Selfies: Slate reports that selfies are good for a girl’s self esteem. Maybe. Maybe not. One thing’s for sure. It’s obnoxious to take pictures of yourself all the time. Nobody’s that interesting. Even my own kids!
Sizzurp: What the what? Sizzurp, the combination of prescription cough syrup, soda, and sugar is all the rage. It’s highly addictive and according to a recent report on The Today Show super dangerous. So I’m hoping my kids stay away from this stuff and stick to sneaking wine coolers like their mom did. Ahhh, remember wine coolers?
Snapchat: Mashable calls Snapchat a, “porn portal.” The app allows users to send quick videos that only stay on the site for 10 seconds. And since the videos can’t be saved or forwarded, kids love to use them to send “hilarious” videos of their boobs and stuff. I’m afraid. I’m very afraid.
High-Cut Dresses: What do celebs have against underpants? There must be something because it seems like lots of them, from Gwyneth to Kylie Jenner, are showing up on the red carpet with their lady parts nearly visible. Maybe I’m old but I’m a big fan of undies…for me and for my kids.
Sexualized Teens: I’m sure Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are wonderful parents, but every mother in the world cringed along with me when their daughter Willow, 13, posted photos on Instagram of herself lying on a bed next to a 20-year-old male friend. Hollywoodlife.com reports Child Protective Services is even interviewing everyone involved. When I was 13, I didn’t have 20-year-old male friends. My daughter won’t either, even if she’s the most famous kid in the world.
Kids Obsessed With Fame: Ever since I saw The Bling Ring, a movie based on the Vanity Fair article “The Suspect Wore Louboutins” about a group of LA teens who break into stars’ homes to steal their clothing, I got worried about a generation of kids who are obsessed with fame. Hopefully my kids will know it’s okay to be normal.
Now that I think about today’s trends, I realize my mother didn’t have it so bad. If my kids want to wear moon boots in the summer or get a weird mod haircut, I’ll be thrilled as long as they don’t twerk in a selfie. And for goodness sake, no purple hair!