Relationship Woes: Our House is Poisonous for Our Marriage

Our house is our poison. We’ve filled it with all the things we love; for my husband, that means MLB Extra Innings and the New York Times for me, it means playing Godus on the iPad and watching Real Housewives marathons until my eyes bleed.

They say couples need time to connect—time to set everything aside and really talk about their days, their lives, their relationship. Um, yeah. We tried that at home. That doesn’t work. The iPad cover easily flips open; my husband is constantly glancing at his phone as the latest scores refresh, and OMG… what will the fates hold for Theresa and Joe Giudice?


After years of being married, the realization that closeness doesn’t just mean occupying the same space became glaringly evident. Getting closer to someone that I’ve known for almost half my life means making time for small moments with each other—really WITH each other (and sitting in the same room watching the same TV show does NOT count).

So we get away, almost daily, to any place but home. We put our phones away, sip something warm, and reconnect, even if for just 10 minutes in the morning before work, or after the gym at night.

What initially started as a way to make sure we knew each others’ daily schedules eventually morphed into something bigger—it’s in these tiny moments we’ve made the biggest decisions in our lives. To quit jobs. To move half way across the country. To consider starting a family. Or not to start a family. Or to consider it once again. Who knows? It’s something to be planned over a future 10-minute date.

 The things we love are always waiting for us in our house. We’ve worked hard for them. But it’s whom I love that waits for me after work, in our cozy spot around the corner from the house, ready to take the next 10 minutes to plan our next life adventure.

Do you do anything to ensure that you and your spouse find a moment every day to talk big picture?

This post was sponsored by Starbucks