15 Hilarious Things Toddlers Say

An awesome thing about toddlers? They can be hysterical without even trying whenever they speak. Whether they’re using a phrase out of context, mispronouncing words, or imitating you, it’s priceless material. So I asked several moms to share the LOL lines from their budding comedians. Now appearing on the Momtastic stage, your kids..

1. My son was playing with my iPhone and asked, “Siri, can I have some chips, please?” –Amber W., Los Angeles

2. My sister is currently unemployed, so when my daughter asked her what her job is, she said, “I just play with my puppy all day.” My daughter responded, very seriously, “That’s not a real job.” –Hillary R., Montclair, NJ

3. I was giving my son, Danny, M&M’s and he asked, “Where the ones with ‘D’ on them?” –Ally M, Boston

4. My son picked up a photo of us on our wedding day with our bridesmaids and groomsmen and said, “Who are these kids’ names?”–Beth G., Atlanta

5. The other day, I was on the step stool and my son said, “Be aware, Mommy. You are very high.” –Maria B., San Diego

6. I had gotten my son dressed for a family party and when I told him that he looked so cute, he said, “I’m not cute. I’m handsome.” –Joanna D., Philadelphia

7. My daughter: When I a grownup like you, I gonna marry my dad. Me: You can’t. I’m already married to Daddy. My daughter: No, Mom, we have to take turns. –Sheena Y., Playa Vista, CA

8. My 2-year-old and I were outside when a flatbed tow truck pulled up with our neighbor’s car on it, smashed to smithereens. The neighbors seem to get into accidents fairly regularly, which my son has clearly realized. As they started to unload the totaled car, he yelled, “Oh my Gosh! Did they smash dere car again?! Why is it here? Dey need to just trow it in da trash!” –Beth G., Atlanta

9. I was talking with a group of other moms about how my baby’s teeth are coming in and my 3-year-old daughter said, “Well, my Daddy has gold teeth. And they’re beautiful.” –Hayley M., Agoura Hills, CA

10. My kids call the barbecue, a garbagecue. Depending on what you cook, I guess it is. –Kinan C., Seattle

11. If I’m trying to keep my son awake in the car, I’ll beg, “Don’t fall asleep. Don’t fall asleep.” Even if he’s seconds from nodding off, he’ll say, “I’m just thinkin’.” –Sarah B., Dallas

12. We gave my daughter a fork at dinner the other night and she said, “We got Stab-Its!” Then her twin sister, while trying to eat with it, informed us, “It’s very difficult to use.” –Rocki D., Westchester, CA

13. My daughter woke up from a long nap and said, “I’ve slept enough forever.” –Tiffani B., Chicago

14. My son is a pro at making loud penis comments in public places. He and my husband were in a restaurant bathroom when he yelled, “Daddy, why is your penis so BIG?” –Jenny G., New York City

15. I was putting cinnamon in my coffee and my 2-year-old informed me, “Kids don’t like cinnamon. Dragons like cinnamon.” It reminded me of the scene in The Hangover when Zach Galifianakis explains that, “Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.” –Jenny T., Los Angeles

What are your toddler’s best lines? Share them in the comments section!

Photo: Getty