Getting a Divorce? Don’t Be a Pain in the Ex!

It’s not your house anymore, so stop sneaking in!

An exhole is an ex who acts like an a**hole. In my role as a divorce coach, I’ve heard all kinds of stories from my clients and family law attorneys. Many times, the stories a client tells me are about their ex behaving like an exhole, but not always. Sometimes I have clients who don’t immediately realize that THEY are the exhole.


Here are some suggestions to keep you from being an exhole so you can move on with your life:

1. Respect your ex’s home as their home. A woman filed for divorce and moved out with the idea that the man she’d been having an affair with would leave his spouse too. He did — for a while. After her divorce was final, he moved back in with his wife. This woman got tired of living alone in an apartment and so she would just show up at her ex’s house when he was gone and let herself in. At first she claimed it was because she missed the cats. Then she started showing up at different times wanting to talk with her ex, or she’d “surprise” him by stopping by to cook a meal or just to grab something that she wanted. Her ex-husband had moved on and her surprise visits were invasive and inappropriate.

If your ex is living in the marital home and you’re not, your former marital home is now theirs. It is no longer your home even if your name is still on the mortgage. Just as you wouldn’t barge into your next-door neighbor’s home because there was something you wanted to talk with your neighbor about, or because you wanted to get the suitcase back that they borrowed last year, or because you wanted to get the pool cue you left there the last time you visited, there’s no reason for you to barge into your ex’s home either.

2. Avoid “accidental” texts/emails/social media posts to your ex that were meant for your new romantic interest. One woman told me about a text she received from her ex. The text called her by the pet name he used to have for her and told her how much he missed her. This woman initially thought that her ex wanted to reconcile. Then, she read the rest of his text. 


Read the rest over at Your Tango :  You May Be Mad At Your Ex, But Don’t Be An Exhole

More from Your Tango: 

How To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

The Top 5 Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

How To Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless


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