You guys, I did something sneaky this weekend. I went out with a girlfriend in Montclair, NJ, to a fun place called Just Jakes. It was lovely being out sans Jack, having a cold beer at the bar, surrounded by other adults enjoying drinks, conversation, and music. The crowd was a mix of college guys and young professionals.
It was fun to flirt and let guys buy me drinks. And when the topic of my work came up, I told a small group of guys that I was working on an interesting article that required me to tap real-life guys for their opinions on dating single moms. One thing: I didn’t tell the guys I was a single mom. I was just Chrissy, 33, and a writer. Oh, and I lived in Montclair (lies). It was a little deceiving, sure, but I thought telling the guys I was a single mom would influence their answers—and I wanted raw thoughts. I videotaped their answers, transcribed what they said, and here’s what I got:
“It’s not the ideal situation for me. It seems like baggage and I wouldn’t want to be involved in any baby-daddy drama.” –Christopher, 22
“My mom was a single mom most of my childhood, so I have tons of respect for single mothers. I would absolutely go on a date with a single mom and see where it could lead. I don’t have kids, but I want kids, so if she already has one or two, it would be a bonus. I would just be really cautious about getting close to the kid, because if it didn’t work out, I’d feel bad if the kid got attached, then hurt.” –Jonah, 37
“It’s not about her being a mom. If I’m attracted to her and we have stuff in common, I’d date her.” –Lou, 28
“I think it would be a pain. My friend dated a single mom and she was always breaking plans because of childcare issues, or suggesting he just come over and watch a movie. I’m young and I want to have fun, out in the world, not be tied down to someone’s living room while her kid sleeps in the bedroom. Also, my friend’s ex had a kid that always wanted to sleep in his mom’s bed and that would be a problem for me. I’m a man. I want all the perks that come with a grown-up relationship.” –Jason, 31
“A lot of my friends are divorced and one guy even has a kid after a one-night stand. I wouldn’t judge a woman if she had kids. You never know what life is gonna throw you. Maybe her husband died. Maybe she’s like my friend and had a baby after just dating someone. I admire my friend for being a stand-up guy and taking care of his son, so my opinion of a woman doing the same … would be the same. It’s awesome.” –Kevin, 41
“Not sure. I dated a single mom who had a lot of issues with her ex and I found that I got sucked into a lot of drama. Also, her ex had issues with me being around his daughter because he was threatened by the relationship that was forming. It just seemed like there was always something standing in the way of us really moving forward.” –Dave, 35
“Single moms are the norm, aren’t they? I wouldn’t assume she is any better or worse off than a single woman. Sure, I’d date her.” –Joey, 28
“I bet she has really good snacks at her place. Fruit roll-ups, pizza bagels, and like a cookie jar that is always filled up.” –Nate, 20 (and drunk.)
More for Single Moms:
- What it’s Like to Be Single & Dating As a Breastfeeding Mom
- Coping with a Break-Up When You’re a Single Mom
- 5 Rules for Having a Friend with Benefits
Photo: Getty
