“I Won’t Try to Change Mr. Right Now Into Mr. Right Just to Get Married”

I have been on many first dates. Some men are short. Some men are tall. Some men are light-skinned. Some men are small. (Pun intended.) To put it as a Dr. Seuss-like rhyme, I've dated many, many men from winter to fall.

Yet the first date rarely leads to a second. Most of the time I am not physically attracted to these guys. So they don't call and I am relieved. When they do call I have the dreaded "talk" and try to let them down easily. I know what you're thinking: What's wrong with her? She wants a relationship — a partner — yet she turns men down, picking at traits and body parts like a panther. You, Sujeiry Gonzalez, are not giving men a chance.


You may be right, ma'am.

When I go on a first date, I note all the things that I don't like physically. I am a woman who knows what she wants and doesn't want to change a man if he isn't what I desire, inside or out. And I've tried. I have taken the advice of friends that suggest I date so and so because I can groom him and live sort of a lie.

"You can help him lose weight," one says. True. "You can teach him how to dress," another persuades. Hmmmm.

But is it fair?

I know many women who take a man that they are dating and groom them as if they were babies. They pick out their wardrobe. They tell them to curse less. They take them to get pedicures and eyebrow waxes so they always look their best. They demand that they stop spending so much time with their loser friends. They roll their eyes when their partners discuss passions that may seem uncool. It's like they're in school.

I don't want to do that to a man, or anyone for that matter. I wouldn't want a man to change me in anyway; who I am is what matters. I continue to go on first dates in hopes that I find someone attractive, inside and out. You don't have to wear a suit and tie or Gucci or Prada. You don't have to drive a Bentley or be a model or a six-foot baller. You don't even need to understand this rhyme. What I ask is for a man who gives me butterflies. So I will continue to go on many first dates. I will continue to try.

Did you groom your husband to be who you wanted him to be?