Oh, Target, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
First, you had me at the Dollar Spot. I mean, who doesn’t love little tchotchkes for $3 a piece? You’re practically giving this stuff away.
Second, you partnered with Starbucks coffee. Allowing sleep deprived moms the ability to sip a hot beverage while casually roaming aisles filled with cute throw pillows and other stylish home decor.
Third, and arguably the most important reason is that we can come to you for clothing, toothpaste, wine, and diapers all in one place. You make it so we don’t have to drag our impatient hooligans to three different stores. This has made you invaluable to moms everywhere, and we do not take you for granted. You never disappoint us. Well, there was that one time during back to school shopping, but I’m mostly over it now.
So is it the bullseye logo that captivates us in a hypnotic trance as we stumble into your welcoming arms like yoga pant clad zombies, or maybe the dollar spot that has everything and nothing we need all at the same time? We may never know for sure. But one thing is for certain, you will always be the place we go when we’re happy, sad, or in need of more dry shampoo; these funny tweets are proof of that.
Our family crest is the Target bullseye.
Family motto: if it’s not at target, we don’t need it.
— luke i am your mother (@MommaUnfiltered) November 11, 2017
Some of us look for reasons to go to Target. Is it an addiction? Probably. Are there worse problems to have? Not according to my husband.
When you're out of milk and you're like "better go to Target" even though it's cheaper at the grocery store a block away.
— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) April 25, 2018
First of all, the answer is never “no.” And there’s a good chance that everything in the dollar spot is something we desperately and urgently need.
Husband: I'm going to Target, do you need anything?
Me: Wait. Cute throw pillows, or everything in the $1 aisle.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) August 18, 2016
If you program your GPS right, all roads can lead to Target.
Two roads diverged and I, I took the one to Target.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 7, 2016
Disney World is great, but every mom wants to go shopping at Target, preferably alone. Especially after chaperoning twenty-two screaming kids at a petting zoo.
ANNOUNCER: Mom, you just finished chaperoning the kindergarten field trip. What are you going to do next?
ME [as another parent dumps a thermos of coffee over my head]: I’M GOING TO TARGET!
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 17, 2018
To be honest, you could summon me with just the bullseye logo and a pitcher of margaritas. It doesn’t take much to make me happy.
How to summon a mom:
*Make a circle with black leggings
*Blast some 90s rap
*Put a Target bullseye in the center
*Start making margaritas
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) June 6, 2018
Now the secret is out, “let’s meet in the club” is really mom code for “let’s meet at Target and all wear our nicest pair of black yoga pants.”
"Hey ladies, let's hit the club tonight!"
– me, texting my mom friends to meet at Starbucks in Target
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 9, 2016
See, it’s true, Target really does have everything.
I saw another mom lose her shit in Target, and just like that I found my village.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) April 28, 2017
I’ll let you in on a little secret, it’s impossible to go to Target for just a few things. No one’s ever been able to do it in the history of ever.
Me: We're just picking up a few things, right?
Wife: *evil cackle*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2017
What we’re saying is, no woman can resist the magnetic pull of the bullseye so you should probably just pick your battles.
Men: Remember that letting your wife spend too much at Target is cheaper than a divorce & a 2nd wife who will also spend too much at Target.
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 28, 2016