Road Trip Guide for Small Boys

We recently spent a leisurely five days in the car making our way from Seattle to Walnut Creek. I adore road trips, and plan to do many more with my kids. First, however, I need to write them the following Road Trip Guide For Small Boys:

Chapter 1A: How to pull up your pants after you go to the bathroom.

Chapter 1B: Yes, you have to wash your hands, even on vacation.

Chapter 2: When Mommy announces she’s taking a short private vacation in her mind, is it the time to ask to stop at Target for a new Power Ranger action figure? (A short analysis.)

Chapter 3: Gummy bears, half-eaten bananas and other things that do not keep well in your car seat.

Chapter 4: If you pee in the backyard of your rental cabin after being told specifically not to, don’t announce to everyone that you’ve just peed on your shorts.

Chapter 5: Why you can’t wear the same pair of socks four days in a row.

Chapter 6: Each time Mommy buys you a happy meal, she dies a tiny bit inside.

Chapter 7: Always take your shoes off before you take your pants off, and other ways to prevent yourself from falling off the hotel room bed.

Chapter 8: Mommy doesn’t know what happened to the Dora CD; I guess we’ll have to listen to more LIly Allen.

Chapter 8, Addendum A: It’s only okay to curse if you’re over 18 and have a cute British accent.

What real life travel tips would you like to offer to your kids?