All the Reasons Cyber Monday Kicks Black Friday’s A$$

Hey, Black Friday. I see you, girl. And I’ll admit, I kinda like you! Or at least, you were good to me back in the day. Before I had children…


Saving money is my jam, and doing so on a full stomach makes it even better. So, we were always cool, you and I. When you first burst on the scene I was really into the whole concept. Burn off that turkey and gravy, decompress from the family drama with a little retail therapy, save a chunk of change. It’s all good!

But then I became a mom, and you started to feel like a lot. And fortuitously, in walked your kid sister, Cyber Monday. I hate to be rude, but I gave you up that first year. Because as much as I love saving money — and holiday cheer — Cyber Monday totally kicks Black Friday’s A$$. Here’s Why:

Actual Clothing vs. Pajamas

Yesterday was the ultimate indulgence of the entire year; I drank my weight in red wine and ate more cheese and dessert than I have all year long in the space of three hours, and this morning I’m supposed to put on clothing and wear it out in the world?

Yeah, jersey knit leggings and my husband’s oldest sweatshirt sound like a much better idea right now. Or at the very least, waiting until Monday to put on some stretchy work-ish clothing and doing all this nonsense at the office alone.

It’s Cold Outside…

I hate to break it to you, but bundling up in a coat, hat, gloves, boots, and so on to properly protect myself while waiting in line to save a few bills is a major pain. I hate being cold, and even with all that stuff on, on Black Friday, I inevitably will be.

And Hot AF in the Stores.

Then you go inside and between the heat blasting and the throngs of people, the air is so thick and hot I want to just keel over. Piling up my arms with my coats and my children’s, sweating as I dig through the racks… I’m honestly starting to get hot and uncomfortable just thinking about it.

Meanwhile, on Cyber Monday…

I enjoy the ideal temperature of my own choosing and any adjustments that feel comfortable to me, all while not leaving my house and being outside with that constant slap of cold air across the cheeks at every turn.

Also, No Lines.

They were cool in high school when I was desperately trying to get into a club with my crappy fake ID. Now they’re just irritating and, at best, a boring way to spend an hour or two. “Carting” on the Internet still carries that tinge of thrilling will-I-get-it stress, but without all the, you know, standing.

Hot Coffee at My Desk vs. 45-Minute Line at Coffee Shop.

Look. Nothing offsets shopping anxiety like a hot cup of coffee. And if I have to wait the better part of an hour to get my hands on it, then feel it go cold while I elbow my way through a crowd, that makes for a very grumpy Mrs. Claus. At least on Cyber Monday, my caffeination station is, well, stationary.

Volume is More Visible in Person

For some reason, bags upon bags of retail merch and heaps of huge boxes all entering the home at the exact same time put my penny-pinching husband into a bit of a funk. When they’re coming by mail, I can sneak them past him a little quicker. Internet shopping is, therefore, beneficial for a happy marriage!

Copy & Paste Coupons Rule

Cutting coupons is so last decade. No seriously, it is. And even when there’s a bar code or app situation involved, you can bet your bottom Black Friday dollar that my tired, momming butt is going to figure out a way to lose WiFi, get confused, or hold up the line while trying to make the most of every deal.

Cyber Monday, however, lets me keep all my codes in one little place where I can just grab them when I need them and bam — watch those totals fall right before my bleary, post-turkey eyes.

I Don’t Want to Move.

Speaking of bleary-eyed, there’s something to be said about all that tryptophan. (And did I mention the wine???) On the morning after Thanksgiving, the absolute last thing I want to do is get off the couch, into the car or onto a train, and move my sloth-like body from place to place. Even thinking about it makes me cringe.

Leave my overfed, hungover, football-watching, leftover-eating butt alone for a few days for a few days of recovery. I’ll resurface on Monday — at least to face the computer screen!

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