Why We Are Secretly Trying to Conceive Another Baby

Full disclosure: I’m writing this blog post under a pen name. I wanted to share my story of trying to conceive another baby, but I didn’t want people who know me to know that we’re trying for another baby.

The first time we were TTC, we didn’t debate whether to keep our baby mission a secret. We had only been married a few months and although no one knew we were “trying” to get pregnant, it wasn’t because we wanted to keep it a secret. It’s because we got pregnant so quickly there really wasn’t time to tell anyone. We immediately told our families and friends that we were pregnant and all was good in the world.


Then, about half way through my pregnancy, a friend of mine had a miscarriage. We had had the same due date and we’d gone to the doctor on the same day to find out the genders of our babies. When I told her we were having a boy, she told me that her baby was also a boy – but that he had passed away. I was devastated for her and her family. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if I were in her shoes, and at that moment I realized why some people choose to keep their pregnancy or hopes of becoming pregnant a secret. Talking about a loss was just too devestating.

So for now we’re keeping our dreams of giving our son a sibling under wraps. I feel like the consequences of telling people, particularly if something were to go wrong later on, might be too much for me to handle. I also don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, and I don’t want people asking me whether I’m pregnant all the time or giving me unsolicited advice.

Did you tell people you were trying to conceive, or did you keep your baby ambitions a secret?