Where Do Babies Come From?

I’ve read articles and books. I’ve listened to Julia Sweeny’s hilarious explanation. I’ve discussed how we’re going to explain things. I’ve cringed at other parents’ flubs. And still, when Joseph asked, I wasn’t prepared.


We were having our Sunday Starbucks, a tradition I started when I began picking up the kids on Sunday mornings. We sit in a booth or at a table, read books, play with our iPhones or iPads, chat casually, and slowly wake up with milk and morning buns for them and tea and scone for me.

“Mama?” Joseph said, looking up from his morning bun.

“Hm?” I took a deep drink of Earl Grey.

“Did you eat us?”


“Did you eat us when we were the twinkle in Daddy’s eye and that’s how we got in your tummy?”

“Uh. No.”

“Then how did we get in there?”

Instantly my mind went blank. I stared at the faces of my sweet children, the morning fog still hazing my mind. Is this the time to tell them about the birds and the bees? Is this the time to explain complexities procreation? Taking a nervous sip of my tea, I looked around for inspiration.

I never want them to be afraid to talk to my ex or I about anything. I want them to come to us with their questions. I want to be open minded and frank and borderline scientific. I opened my mouth.

“Oh wow! Check it out! A new Angry Birds update!”

Epic fail.

How did you discuss where babies come from?