Potty Training Fail: The World Is My Toilet

Maybe I’m naive, but for some reason I was under the impression that when you finished potty training, the amount of biohazard you had to deal with on a regular basis was drastically reduced.


Unfortunately, in the case of my son Diego, despite the fact that he has been fully potty trained for months and is completely capable of using the restroom all on his own, recently he seems to have adopted the attitude that the whole world is his private toilet.

Take this morning. I woke up to find him squatting, NAKED, over my husband’s left tennis shoe. “What are you DOING?” I asked.

Sly grin.

“I pee in Papi’s shoe,” he divulges. Apparently quite proud of his achievement.

If this was an isolated incident I might have smiled and laughed it off. But this comes after several weeks of me having to watch him under a microscope to make sure he isn’t sneaking off to pee on our couch cushions, dirty laundry, clean laundry, backpack, lunch boxes or potted plants.

Not to mention the fact that he takes regular secret dumps outside in the backyard like an animal. As if I never once showed him how to use a proper toilet.

Recently some family friends came over. The kids wanted to play in the backyard. “Hold on just a second,” I said, rushing out to check the yard for landmines before I let the guests outside.

“Do you have a dog?” my friends asked.

“Nope. Just a three-year-old.”