A healthy relationship consists of love, respect, trust…and fighting? Well, I guess it depends who you ask. But my cousin, who has been with her partner for 18 years, swears that a good fight once in a while is necessary. When a couple agrees on everything, she says, it may all be for the sake of agreeing. Suppressing feelings is so much worse than exploding for just one minute. Plus, there’s that hot make-up sex.
I happen to agree with my cousin. My last relationship was far from perfect — mostly because we didn’t talk about our feelings. We were like robots. In our year of coupledom, we didn’t argue once. There also wasn’t much passion, with or without that makeup sex.
So what do couples argue about most? I did an informal survey of friends in long-term relationships to find out.
This isn’t a shocker: A new survey reveals that couples argue most about the green stuff. Whether he’s a Big Spender or you’re saving for a house as a couple, how we view and feel about money as individuals seeps into our relationship. It’s an even bigger issue when someone is unemployed for a long period of time. Whose money is it? Who owns what? Who pays for the vacation? These questions can cause a ruckus.
2. Being friends with exes
I am not friends with any of my exes. I just don’t see the point. So if my man is BFFs with an ex, we’re going to have a problem. And that includes being “friends” on social media.
3. How tidy you are
Cleaning habits are a big source of strife in relationships, and that includes the way you roll your toilet paper and wash the dishes. “I clean our apartment one way, but my wife cleans the apartment another way,” says Nick from NYC. “She thinks her way is better and I tell her, ‘We are both cleaning the apartment!'” The end result is usually a silly fight.
4. The parents and in-laws
My ex always wanted to spend Sunday evening at his brothers. I wanted to change up the routine and enjoy one-on-one time. He wanted to immerse me in his family even when I didn’t want to be around them. Yes, his family loved me, but they meddled. So does my mom, which is why I didn’t want to go to my mother’s all the time.
5. Disciplining the kids
Try to get on the same page about discipline before you have kids, or you’ll always find yourself at odds with your partner, like my friend Yahaira. She’s the bad cop, her husband is the good cop. “The kids can do anything they want and he just blocks it out,” she says. “So I have to be the one to react…and that sometimes includes spanking.”
What do you and your partner argue about?