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4 “Hot Trends” I’m Ditching Now That I’m a Mom

I love keeping up with celebrity and fashion trends as much as the next mom, and while I consider myself “stylish” (to an extent), I have to admit—today’s hottest hashtags and headlines stray far, far away from our mommy lifestyle. To prove it, I took notes on my Twitter feed and discovered there’s a whole world of (#onfleek) happenings out there that would be weirdly awkward for us (#basic) mommas to abide by. Check out which trends to avoid in 2015.

#Ghosting

 

#ghosting

A photo posted by Banker. Traveller. New Yorker. (@ix3nia) on

hashtag emo.

You know ghosting through your single friend’s stories. It’s the one about when she met that uber-hot guy, had a steamy weekend with him, disclosed her life story, and is pretty sure they’re “very serious,” when all of a sudden, he just sorta ::poof:: stops responding to her. No calls. No emails. De-friended on all social media. Immediate break-up. It’s painful for her (and leaves you no rational explanation during her 4:00 a.m. calls to you), but guess what, it’s totally normal these days. The New York Times recently revealed that ghosting occurs in nearly 11% of romantic relationships… Whether that’s refreshing or not is up for debate.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m DEFINITELY not saying you want to ghost your spouse. But what about that “first date” you had with a potential mom friend at the playground? At first it seemed great, but then there were those somewhat judgy comments. Her definite oversharing of her kid’s potty habits. Her smug smile that hit you just the wrong way. Add these all up and all of a sudden, you’re getting looped into play dates you dread for days. It’s time to “break up.”

Guess what?! Contrary to your single friend’s advice, mommy-land is a no-ghosting zone. For better or worse, you’re just going to have to (gasp!) play nice, stay civil, and not hide behind the powers of your phone. Ghosting—and its somewhat rude, media-centric style—is forbidden in the mommy zone.

#Normcore

 

long live normcore

A photo posted by rizki meylisa malau (@rizkimeylisamalau) on

Ah, normcore—the fashion trend oft debated in the beer halls of Bushwick (and my own suburban kitchen table). To kick controversy, here’s a basic definition from our friends at The Times: Normcore (noun) 1. A fashion movement, in which scruffy young urbanites swear off the tired street-style clichés of the last decade — skinny jeans, wallet chains, flannel shirts — in favor of a less-ironic (but still pretty ironic) embrace of bland, suburban anti-fashion attire. (See Jeans, mom. Sneakers, white.)

So basically, if you’re a hipster dressing like a dorky dad on the streets of Brooklyn, you stand out for being ironic and cool. Now turn the tables. If you’re a young mom and dad heading out with toddler in tow, it’s probably best not to kick it in high-waisted jeans, fanny packs, and New Balances. There’s nothing ironic about dressing like your counterparts at Kmart, except that you’ll probably get confused for them when you hit the East Village.

Bummer. Looks like the cool kid fashion trends just don’t apply to us parents, either.

#SundayFunday

 

A photo posted by Raudy (@mr_boogie) on

Remember that time when you and fifty of your best friends hit up a Bagatelle-style brunch for your birthday, ordered up a cocktail-waitress conga line of champagne with sparklers cascading from the spout, and fist-pumped shoeless on banquettes…all before 2 PM?! Yeah, me neither. Though I am not opposed to passing out on a Sunday afternoon, it’s usually because my kid is down for a nap and I can’t keep my eyes open long enough to binge watch Orange Is the New Black while she sleeps.

#Undercuts

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 11.40.28 AM

via Undercutfeed on Instagram

Okay, so if you are a parent and can realllllly rock an undercut—like a hands-down Miley Cirus, David Beckham, cooler than cool kid, all but the top shaved off undercut—then I applaud you, because you are just so on fleek. You have the time to make it look edgy, the swagger to make it look tough, the best jeans with just the right amount of wear and tear, and the absolute right balance of jewelry—I’m talking necklaces, rings, bracelets, and earrings—that helps complete the perfect undercut look. You probably know the best unknown bands and have Gwennie herself on speed dial.

But seriously, how practical is it to rock this look and have kids? Maybe it goes well and you’re eternally pegged as the Cool Parent—but I imagine the territory comes with some not-worth-it sideways stares at the PTA meeting…and some awkward Sideshow Bob grow-in for those who cannot. And for that—I rule the undercut a no-no once you’re in the market for an Uppababy.

More Trends for Moms to Ditch: