When my first child was born eight years ago, I really thought I was prepared for all the highs and lows of being a parent. I read up on sleep cycles and became a self-taught expert on nutrition. I learned to deal with tantrums and separation anxiety. I figured I had this parenting thing down. But, nothing could have prepared me for how embarrassing parenting would be. And no, I’m not talking about flashing my boob to the entire city while breastfeeding at the park. I’m talking about all the times my children humiliate me in public with the things they say or do.
Because let’s face it: Kids are born without filters or boundaries. This makes them incredibly charming, but also totally embarrassing. My kids embarrass me all the time. So why not embarrass them by sharing those times with you? I said kids were embarrassing, but it doesn’t mean moms can’t be embarrassing, too…
1. My son yelled “I farted!” in a restaurant. Our rule is that bathroom words can only be used in the bathroom. But, my kids still love to say “I farted!” or “I HAVE TO POOP!” at the top of their lungs in public. There’s one restaurant I won’t return to because my son announced he had just farted to the maitre’d. That was fun. Ugh.
2. He commented on my “penis,” loudly, in a public bathroom. I took my son into the bathroom with me at a ball game and he yelled, “Mommy, why does your penis have hair?” There were so many things to get embarrassed about, I didn’t know where to begin.
3. He told my friend she was fat. My friend is a bit heavy and while telling me that another friend’s child had suggested she be Santa’s wife for Halloween, my son interrupted and said, “Why, because you’re both fat?” He wasn’t trying to be rude, but I was horrified. Thankfully, my friend took it well.
4. My daughter giggled at a little person. She was 3 at the time and we were at Target. She ran over to the man, smiled, and said, “We’re the same height!” I died a little bit inside and vowed never to return to that store.
5. She told her preschool class about her parent’s big fight. After having a rare fight in front of her, we explained that we weren’t mad at each other and that sometimes grown-ups get in bad moods just like kids. I thought that was the end of it until her teachers told me that my daughter had shared the details of our fight with her entire class. Humiliating!
6. She also revealed my age to her entire class. I’m 45. I don’t really care about my age, except when compared to the other moms of 4-year-olds at my daughter’s preschool. They all seem to be a decade younger than me. So while I’d never lie about my age, I don’t need to put it on a billboard. Apparently my daughter does.
7. She flashed a waitress. Yep, my 4-year-old girl lifted up her shirt and said, “Look, I have boobies!” That’s when I stopped making eye contact with every other patron.
Kids get less and less embarrassing as they get older, right?! At least that’s what I keep telling myself…
What’s the most humiliating thing your kid has ever done to you?
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