How to Make a Perfect Mom

There may not be an instruction manual for parents, but this recipe might just be the thing you’re looking for. Here are all the ingredients — sweet and salty — that you need to make the perfect mom. 


An Abundance of Patience
A Mountain of Love
A Reliable Stain Remover
A Cup of Forgiveness
A Dash of First Aid Training
A Little Googling Skill
A Large, Waterproof Handbag
A Heaping of Warm Hugs
Plenty of Healing Kisses
A Smidgen of Tolerance for the Scent of Poop
A Fistful of Listening Skills
A Dusting of Humility
An Enormous Sense of Humor
A Pinch of Debate Skills
Lots of Paper Towels
A Shake of Social Media Savvy
Sprinkle of Creativity
An Endless Ability to Communicate in Public Using Only Your Eyes That You’re Counting to Three


  1. Keep all ingredients handy to add and blend together as needed.
  2. Continue adding, sifting, mixing, kneading, and seasoning to your tastes and requirements for the rest of your life. There is no way to ruin the final result, as long as you keep trying new combinations and never, ever run out of that sense of humor (or paper towels).

Serves: As many as mom needs to.

Preparation time: A lifetime.