6 Kid Accomplishments I’d Never Post on Social Media

I was cruising Facebook the other day when I noticed that a friend had posted her son’s end of the year report card. He had just finished first grade and received perfect marks. The caption reads, “Perfect marks. I’m one proud mama.”

My friend’s son is lovely and smart. His mom has every right to be proud. So I feel guilty when the word, “ick” goes through my mind as I read the post. I can’t help but wonder if she would have posted her son’s marks if they weren’t so perfect. And honestly, a first grader isn’t exactly working hard just yet. He’s still benefitting from his natural disposition, which in this case is perfect.

You should know that my kid, who just finished kindergarten, did not get perfect marks on his end of year report. He did well, but not perfectly. Regardless, I wouldn’t post his perfect or imperfect marks online. In fact, there’s a ton of kid accomplishments I don’t think are post-worthy. It’s not that I don’t want to reward or celebrate my kid’s accomplishments. I’d just hate to brag about my kid to 420 of my closest online friends. You’re welcome.

She just made his first poo in the potty! This isn’t so much bragging as totally oversharing.  It’s also gross. Every time I see a friend post a photo of her kid practicing on the potty, I can’t help but wonder who wants to see that. No one, right? So I’m not posting potty photos of my kids. I will, however, show them at their weddings.

He got in to the exclusive preschool! Applying to preschool can be a nightmare. So posting the good news that you beat out 57 other families for a coveted spot feels competitive and unkind to those who may not have gotten in.

She’s in the 100th percentile! Height and weight percentiles make new parents competitive and worried. So I wouldn’t post my child’s stats. It’s not like he, or I, had any control over his weight or height. Trust me, if I could create a growth spurt I would. But since I can’t I’m not bragging about it online.

He just got his first kiss! Call me old fashioned, but I don’t want to talk about my kid’s dating life and I know he wouldn’t want me to post it online. It’s his news. He can post it on his Facebook page.

She just got her first period! I remember being horrified when I got my period. All I wanted was privacy. And so I can’t imagine posting that news online when it’s my daughter’s time to join the ranks of gals who have their periods.

He was asked to be in a commercial! This feels like a subtle way of saying, “My kid is beautiful!” And since my kids can’t control their looks, I’m not bragging about their looks.

So what kid accomplishment would I post online? Not many. When my kids are old enough to have their own Facebook page, they can talk about their own accomplishments. Or ideally they won’t. Being modest about your success is an accomplishment in and of itself.  Now that’s something I’d post!

Photo: Getty