Before I had children, before I was married, before I had a career, I worked in a daycare. A daycare ruled by a purple dinosaur with the magical abilities of the Pied Piper.
Every day, the preschool-age children would sing about how much they love you and how much you love them and what a big happy family we all are.
It was enough to drive me to drink.
If I'd been old enough.
Instead, I swore that my children would never, ever watch an annoying television show.
Sadly, children's programming is rife with annoying voices, sappy songs and crazy characters. I want to save your sanity by telling you the top five most annoying children's shows. It's too late for me.
5. Barney and Friends – That purple dinosaur is still around. After nearly 20 years. Still! That scares me. Makes me think he's made a pact with someone unsavory.
4. Elmo – As much as I adore Sesame Street, Elmo drives me crazy. To the extent that my shoulders hunch, my ears bleed and my eyes are gouged. Well, maybe not that bad, but his third person speech, his first/last name manner of addressing guests and his laugh all combine to make a very bad way to start my morning.
3. Diego – When I first saw the previews for this show, I was excited. It looked fun. There were adventures, animals, fun facts, everything guaranteed to keep me – I mean, my children entertained. But that was before I started watching. Because Diego is almost as annoying in his speech patterns as…
2. Dora – Or should I say, DoRA the ExPLORer. Every other syllable out of her little cartoon mouth raises in such a loud pitch that there's no way to control the volume. And while I'm glad she's good at following directions, I cannot stand listening to her repeat over and over to go OVER the bridge, UNDER the tree and AROUND the cactus.
1. Calliou – Oh how I wanted to like Calliou. But there are so many questions. Why is he still bald and in preschool? Is there an illness that I don't know about? Why do his parents allow him to whine? During every episode? Why oh why is his mom wearing mom jeans?
So, did I miss any? Do you agree? Do you harbor a secret love of Dora?