I’ve Lost My Funny

 

PREGNANT

I’ve gained a lot of things since I became pregnant.  But I think I lost my funny. Overall, pregnancy has left me with a downright jovial feeling – I am twitterpated most of the time.  And life is so good right now that I didn’t realize I had lost my funny until I sat down to spin wittiness for Momtastic.

I didn’t know your funny was actually something you could lose but I have no funny left.  

When I started this gig, my cute anecdotes were about how pregnancy robbed me daily of yet another piece of modesty, decorum, or self-delusion.  None of this was news to you readers who are pregnant or have been pregnant before because it’s happened to you too.   But it was entertaining — admit it — to watch some newbie be stripped of her self-respect.  Kinda like sorority hazing.  

Funny stuff does still happen, but all seems to fall under the category of TMI.     Seriously, I have to draw the line somewhere.  My funny now is the kind you don’t mention in polite company.   And since I am too bloody tired to care much about anything, I have to invent a new way for me to judge what’s appropriate for posting.  Some people wouldn’t write something they wouldn’t want their mother to read.  But I have a really open relationship with my mom, and she’s pretty damn earthy, so there isn’t much that I think would offend her.  And I work with kindergartners, so I am way too used to an audience that would appreciate the other main source of laughter in my house, pregnancy-induced farting.

So I have a new threshold.  I have to imagine whatever I post being displayed on a big screen in the auditorium with the whole PTA there.  And the teachers’ union.  And the principal. 

OK.  Here’s a safe one.  The other night I was watching TV with my husband.  I was making snarky, cranky comments about the people in TV-land. It got to the point where I had to put my hands over my mouth to filter myself. I looked at my husband and said, “I used to be so nice. What the hell happened to me?” He was still snorting from the comment I made before about some sad, sad man in a hairnet and didn’t hear me.  Does he think I still have some funny?  No.  He just knows he must humor his huge pregnant wife.    And I can live with that.  For now.   But remind me, when this is all done, to ask for my funny back.