I was certain that I’d get pregnant on my wedding night. I was 23-years-old, I had gone off the pill, and I was sure I was ovulating. To my surprise, I didn’t. I stayed in my bubble of mixed emotions — I wasn’t desperate for a baby but I would’ve been happy to have become pregnant — and went on with my life. A few months later, I became pregnant. We weren’t trying but we weren’t preventing pregnancy either. I was shocked, but excited that we didn’t have to “try” to have a baby. We just had a baby.
After a year of being the parents of one child, we started talking about when we’d have our next baby. We knew we wanted more than one child and we debated how far apart we should space them for a few minutes. But I don’t usually mess around with thinking too much, so we went for it. I had to get pregnant now, like right NOW!
It’s amazing how your thinking shifts from sex when you want it to sex to get pregnant. I don’t do anything half as*ed, so knowing that I was on a mission, I took that mission very seriously. I researched the best time of the month to conceive, and when I was most likely to ovulate (like, down to the second). Even though you can be fertile for up to a week around ovulation, there’s an optimal 48-hour window to actually get pregnant, so you need to hit it in that time period for it all to work. Plus, and this is important, regular sex aids in fertility.
So it was easy, we just had to have sex at least every 48 hours… whatttt?!? EVERY 48 HOURS???
Yes, I know what you’re thinking. When you’re a parent, it’s ridiculously difficult to fit sex into the calendar a few times a week, let alone actually feel like doing it. But it was a commitment I was happy to make to get what I was positive was the perfect age gap for my two little children.
Sex is fun right? We could do it!
Well, sort of. Sex wasn’t about us. There wasn’t as much love any more, it was more like, Quickkkkkk we need to do it NOW! My husband, who normally loves sex, quickly turned into a man begging a night off.
“Please not tonight, can’t we have a break?” he would say.
Yes, my husband actually said that. Turned out, trying for a baby was the easiest way to ruin our sex life. Nothing killed our passion faster than trying to conceive a baby.
We were lucky, our plan worked and I became pregnant and we could go back to our pressure-free sex life. However, I started to think of all the amazing couples who may be “trying” for months, or even years. How stressful that would become and how much pressure it could bring to a relationship.
I feel incredibly lucky that our reality was different — and I’ve vowed to change my ways if we decide to have another baby in the future. I won’t stress, nor will I make my husband miserable in the process. Easier said than done, I know, but I’m going to do my best to follow through.