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13 Things Your Husband Should Never See You Do

Stuff your husband should never see you do @ItsMomtastic by @letmestart

Successful relationships are about being open and honest. The key to creating a comfortable environment in which your partnership, your friendship, and your love can grow? Actively communicating and giving each other the freedom to be yourselves.

Just as important: Knowing when to hide things from each other.

For every heartfelt confession about your dreams, there is a moment during which you say, “I’ll be right back” so you can crop dust the next room without your honey noticing.

For each intimate moment of pillow talk, there is a text from you to a friend saying, “He’s out of town tonight. Can’t wait to sleep without wanting to shove my pillow in his stupid snorey-hole.”

In marriage, we accept our beloveds and all their parts—as they do us. And if we’re honest, some of those parts can be slightly more repulsive than others. So we lock the bathroom door, discreetly step into the next room, or make “girls only” plans to protect our fellas from the horror of truly seeing those parts in action.

This is just some of the stuff your husband should never see you do:

1. Find that lost tampon.

2. Deal with your mustache (which is thicker than his).

3. Experience the effects of colonoscopy prep.

4. Sniff-test your pits.

5. Pop a massive whitehead so effectively it sprays the mirror.

6. Pee in the shower (even though we all know we all do it).

7. Pee in your pants (even though we all have done it).

8. Shove yourself into flesh-tone Spanx on a humid day.

9. Attempt naked yoga.

10. Enter that psychotic hyper-squeal zone that happens when your girlfriends retell a You Had to Be There story we all think is HILARIOUS.

11. Pick your nose (NOT THAT ANY OF US DO THAT HA HA HA).

12. Bite Your toenails.

13. Shart.

Graphic: Kim Bongiorno