First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. Then comes boring sex. Or no time for sex. Or routine sex. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I interviewed real-life married couples for their tips on how they keep their sex lives hot, hot, HOT. Brace yourselves, because some of these ideas are really colorful. And I say, try em!
It’s OK to be … dirty. “My husband and I both travel for work and distance makes the heart grow fonder,” says, Joanie, 37, of Venice Beach, California. “I always leave something naughty in his suitcase whether it’s a nude selfie or some lube for him to use during phone sex with me.” Joanie took it a step further last time and really blew her husband’s mind. “I tucked a pair of panties I’d already, um, worn into his luggage.”
And it’s OK to be clean. “We have two kids under eight, who both enjoy ambushing us in the middle of the night to sleep in our beds,” says, Julia, 29, of Totowa, New Jersey. “This makes sex in our bed nearly impossible.” But Julia and her husband weren’t giving up on being intimate, because well, that’s just bonkers. “One morning when my husband was in the shower, I hopped in and we did it, quickie style. But it was so hot.” Julia says they always lock the door and that the sound of the shower running, is actually a deterrent to their kids because they just assume their parents are getting ready for work. Even though they are getting … Wet ‘n Wild!
Try a little role playing. “My husband and I have a standing date night every third Friday of the month. Since we both work, my mom picks the kids up from school and watches them until we return home,” says Camille, 35, of New York City. One night she decided to completely take her husband off guard by introducing herself as Rose from Canada. She was traveling for work, lonely and wanted to have a drink with someone. At first her husband didn’t quite get it, but when Camille asked if he was married, it all clicked. “We flirted over drinks and dinner while I played the part of homesick Rose.” What really sealed the deal is when “Rose” pulled her husband into the bathroom of the lounge they were at and gave him a BJ.
Go to a sex party. This may seem super extreme but some happily married couples go to sex parties with rules in place. Take Marc, 29, from Colorado. “My wife and I have been going to adult parties since we were dating and there’s nothing adulterous about it.” Marc says they both enjoy sex and being exhibitionists, so the idea of cheating or jealousy never factors into their escapades. “I love seeing my wife with other women and men—it’s a total turn on and sometimes we just go to parties to get turned on and have sex with each other, in front of other people.” Marc admits sex parties aren’t for everyone, but says they don’t have to be about experimenting with other people. “We go to very clean parties with people we’ve come to know. We eat insane meals and drink and talk before anything goes down.” There is no expectation you are going to have sex with others. Marc says it’s about exploring your sexuality and testing your limits.
Put an end to routine. Laura, 27, lives in Florida and is a mom of a one-year-old; married for two years. She says sex got really boring and routine after the birth of their daughter. “We literally fell into bed exhausted, did it quick and I barely came and passed out.” While her husband would go to bed satisfied he didn’t feel connected to Laura because everything just seemed to happen fast and “just because.” Laura felt the same way and that’s why she banned bedroom sex a few days later. “I texted my husband a shot of my breasts during the day and told him I wanted him on the kitchen table when he came home.” But he texted her back, “LOL.” Laura was not discouraged. The baby is usually sleeping when her husband gets home so when she saw the headlights in the driveway, she peeled her shirt off and sat suggestively on the kitchen table. The rest was history. They haven’t sex in their bed for three months and counting!