imnotthenanny

My Vagina Doesn’t Need an App (But Thanks Anyway)

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With the popularity of fitness apps, fitness trackers, and the fitness tracking apps for those trackers, I can track almost anything, from the sprint from my home office to the bathroom to every piece of chocolate I consume. Now I can even track my vaginal exercises with the special kGoal Smart Kegel Trainer and its accompanying app.

Don’t believe me? There’s a current Kickstarter campaign for a device that resembles a hand grenade. You insert the bulb and every time you squeeze “correctly” it vibrates. Take a look at their video.

Tracking my steps and my meals keep me on the healthy track, but my vagina doesn’t need an app, nor does it need a “trainer.”

Even before I started my career as a sex toy consultant, women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan and Glamour consistently touted the benefits of kegel exercises. “Squeezing those pelvic muscles will make your partner scream with pleasure!” I read. Next came the obligatory directions for the exercises and how stronger muscles would help bladder control. Super sexy that was not.

I agree with kGoal creator Minna Life that exercising our pubococcygeus (PC) muscles is good for us, but do women really need another body part to obsess over? I can see it now at the next girls’ night out:

My va-jay-jay is exhausted. I’ve been doing 10 reps a day!”

or

“I’m such a loser! Every time I sneeze, I know I’m not doing enough Kegels.”

The Minna Life video focuses on why it’s good for women to do their Kegel exercises (which are named after the male gynecologist who “discovered” them). Of the thousands of women I met during my 12-year stint hocking vibrators and ben wa balls, almost all of them were motivated to squeeze their pelvic muscles for 3 sets of 10 reps each day because they wanted to make their lover happier.

With a little bit of practice, you can learn how to squeeze your PC muscles properly. You don’t need to insert anything inside your vagina, you don’t need to buy barbells or weights for your love canal, and you don’t need an app to track how many reps you’ve done. Instead, try this trick I gave my clients: Every time you’re at a stop light (or waiting for the walk sign to cross the street), give those muscles a few squeezes until the light changes. It doesn’t matter how many reps you do, just do them when you remember.

If you really want a device that buzzes every time you use it correctly, buy one of these vibrators instead.

Photo: Getty