8 Weird Gifts I Hope I Never Get from My Husband

My mom buys here own birthday gifts. Seriously. Her birthday is in April so every March she goes to the jewelry store, shoe store, or whatever store has whatever she’s got her eye on and she buys it. Then she has it wrapped, brings it home, hands it my Dad, and says: “You got me a bracelet. Thank you.”

This always seemed so un-romantic to me. I love getting gifts from my husband and couldn’t understand why anyone would want to ruin the anticipation of getting a gift that way. But after watching a recent episode of Tori Spelling’s reality show "TrueTori," in which Dean McDermott reveals that he has a tattoo of the word “Tori’s” right above his penis, I can see why some people want the security of buying their own gifts.

Call me old fashioned, but I don’t need a body-part tattoo as a gift.  A simple handbag or a pair of shoes will do. Here are eight more gifts I’d prefer never to get:

David Beckham bought his wife Victoria a vineyard in Napa Valley, according to The Telegraph. And here's my problem with it: I have enough housework to do, adding a vineyard to my list of things to take care of isn't a gift.

Fast food franchise
Reports circling the UK, and picked up by The Huffington Post
, say that Kanye West bought Kim Kardashian a UK franchise of ten Burger King restaurants. But I don't get it. I’m busy enough cooking for my husband and kids. I’d hate to have to cook for 10 restaurant’s worth of strangers, too.

Gold-encrusted wisdom tooth reports that Scarlett Johansson had one of her wisdom teeth covered in gold as a gift for then-husband Ryan Reynolds. Um, gross?

Trip to space
Katy Perry gave her former husband Russell Brand a $200,000 trip to space, according to E! OnlinePersonally, I'd hate this gift because I barely have time for a mani/pedi. When am I supposed to find time for a trip to Jupiter?

$2 Million bathtub
Back in the day when boxer Mike Tyson was married to actress Robin Givens, The Huffington Post reported that he gave her a very lavish bathtub. Call me ungrateful, but unless it comes with a person to clean it, I'm not interested. Who wants to clean their own gift? Not me.

Breath mints
As a "fun" gift, US Magazine reports that Brad Pitt gave his lady love Eatwhatever Breath Mints because he likes to tease her that she has bad breath. This may be a cute joke, but breath mints are an insult — not a gift. Even when they come from Brad Pitt.

Scary Spice, aka Mel B., reportedly gave her husband six strippers for his birthday according to The Sun
. Please don't get me this! I barely want to see myself naked. For my birthday, I certainly don't want to see others naked, too.

Custom dodge ram truck
Long before JLo sent her dancer boyfriend Casper Smart packing, she gave him a custom truck, reports Yahoo. Okay, even putting aside my personal dislike of pick-up trucks I have to believe nothing screams, “We’re breaking up” like the gift of a truck big enough to put all your boxes in.

So the next time your husband gets you a dress that's the wrong size or forgets to buy you a gift all together just remember it could have been worse. He could have tattooed his upper groin area or dipped his tooth in metal. Suddenly, a gift certificate doesn't seem like such a bad gift after all!

What's the worst gift you've ever received from your husband?